In love and in life we are challenged to the core. Our knee jerk instincts on issues and feelings are pushed around against our wills at times. I had a lot of knee jerks in the past 8 years. I had danced with many guys throughout my search for that perfect partner. I was stronger now and had learned a lot about dating and the importance of being selective in choosing the appropriate man for me.
Decision making in finding a promising relationship through online dating gives us all more romantic options than previous generations. In my ” senior years” I unraveled important clues before taking the plunge. Know who you are, independent of someone else. Do not idealize a relationship. Compromise is key. A persons internal values become more important than the superficial attributes.
I identified styles and personalities and shared familiar events or stages in life became important in determining success or failure in a successful relationship. Breaking down our walls of pain and apprehension, letting go of the wounds of the past help in moving forward in a positive way.
After reflecting on those past years I wiped away the tears and thought of my former husband again. It was clear that I’d always refer back to him. He used to be that guy that I could rely on and come to over those marital years.He couldn’t be there for me anymore and I respected that and his new life.
Continuing my search for love was a job at times but mostly a fun journey. One that helped me discover who I am and what I want in a relationship. I danced a lot with many dancers. I hoped that I too was an important part in helping them figure out who they were looking for as well. We were all learning, evolving. I still hadn’t found the right dancer but I was determined to continue this quest of finding that partner that would complete my dance of love and life.
As the weeks slipped by I thought about how it had been a long and arduous search for someone to love. Opening up my first dance card proved to be a necessary task, one filled with a revolving cast of colorful characters. A search that I did not want nor chose for myself. It was chosen for me after my divorce.
Having experienced the various dates in the past allowed me to see who it is that I was really looking for. I knew that we were all selective in our choices, a necessity as we are entering the last phases of our lives. I had not found that perfect fit yet.
Mr. Samba and I continued to collaborate on our ventures. Through our individual exploits we found ourselves creating separately and our communication became sporadic and a bit disconnected. I often thought that this may be ideal in creating a unified relationship.One that could sustain itself through hardship. Supporting and encouraging one another. However, for us the quantitative moments were becoming fewer and fewer.
I sat alone once again contemplating my books progression. There was not that day to day communication anymore and it always seemed to be text related. Once again that loss of continuity. I was accepting of this.
I decided not to return to that dating site for awhile. I needed time to myself. That would be my cure-all. My defense mechanisms arose again. Id armor myself with what integrity I had left. I needed to be resilient and move on.
After reading my rough draft I waited for a critical review. I reassured him that my voice within the stories were investigative, reporting events as they unfolded. All the dating experiences were real.
Any future dancers would evolve, including Mr. Samba. I needed his perspective.
His critique came in. The comments were all specific. He felt some parts were page turners and titillating. ” Its going to be special Annie” he said with reassurance. “You have something here that will be helpful to many men and women who find themselves single again.”
I was pleased. “You certainly are convincing . Thank you”
“You’ll be rewarded accordingly. The idea is sound; tactics and strategy need work and I will supplement that. By the way Im sure glad that Im not in the book. Would’ve complicated things down the road.”
“Perhaps you’ll be in my sequel?” I replied.
” Still sexy senior and single”he quipped. Ill go through a number of alliterations before the right handle is found.” He continued, “Lets plan a dinner soon to discuss.”
The time was set for my second opportunity to learn the Samba.
I thought back to when I first met all the other potential dancers for the first few dates. Id set all preexisting notions and unrealistic expectations aside this second time.
Meeting at a popular wine bar…I was nervous. As I entered there he was; big broad smile, exquisitely dressed, deep chestnut complexion, tall and handsome. My new dancer was at the starting gates. This healthy African American steed would accompany his pure white filly into a new arena of companionship, cooperation,consideration and collaboration- my new 4C’s. This new odd couple would be coming to dinner on a regular basis.
Ann’s new soon to be released book”The New Dance Card” Looking For Love online chronicles her 8 years journey of looking for that right guy to love in life. Her messages touch on many areas of relationship at any age. Dating is like a dance. An art, beautiful form of connecting.
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As I reread Mr. Sambas profile I was reminded of our last and only meeting.
It would have been an unimaginable connection for me. Mr. Samba was a lovely dark skinned man, with deep set glorious brown eyes and slightly greying short cut afro. He was luscious. I imagined his skin felt like butter. Culturally we would be different but I found that too to be intriguing.
I soon found that we are all the same when it comes to “love” and the things we are looking for in a partner. Mr. Samba was no different. But would he find little ole Annie the kind of woman he desired.
After reintroducing myself we began another long and clever dialogue. His was intellectually quirky yet brilliant. After all he was a promoter and knew all the right pitches to entice. I followed and returned the quips. It was fun and entertaining but I needed to see if he would fit into my idea of helping me through my new ventures.
“Im writing a book” Can I get your male perspective? I need a promoter for my stories. Interested?
He responded eagerly: “Really? Tell me more, whats your subject matter, who’s your audience, whats your market for the book? What contractual agreements do you have? I can supplement that. I SEE STARS!”
I sent him a rough draft of my manuscript. “Get ready for a wild ride”
“Saddling up.” he remarked.
The days flipped by and I didn’t hear from Samba. I was anxious to hear how he felt about the stories but I knew it d take time to digest all of it.
Finally he wrote: ” Whew the book was hot and so are you. Taking an ice cold shower now! I need to send you an extended response, but the lump in my throat moved south so quickly that it temporarily paralyzed me. The diversion of blood? It was so substantial that only one limb remained operative.”
OH MY DEAR GOD! HILARIOUS! I had to peel myself off the floor after reading his clever response.
To read more about Mr. Samba Ann outlines her adventures in her soon to be released book “THE NEW DANCE CARD” LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE
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