Love On The Dance Floor

In love and in life we are challenged to the core. Our knee jerk instincts on issues and feelings are pushed around against our wills at times. I had a lot of knee jerks in the past 8 years. I had danced with many guys throughout my search for that perfect partner. I was stronger now and had learned a lot about dating and the importance of being selective in choosing the appropriate man for me.

Decision making in finding a promising relationship through online dating gives us all more romantic options than previous generations. In my ” senior years” I unraveled important clues before taking the plunge. Know who you are, independent of someone else. Do not idealize a relationship. Compromise is key. A persons internal values become more important than the superficial attributes.

I identified styles and personalities and shared familiar events or stages in life became important in determining success or failure in a successful relationship. Breaking down our walls of pain and apprehension, letting go of the wounds of the past help in moving forward in a positive way.

After reflecting on those past years I wiped away the tears and thought of my former husband again. It was clear that I’d always refer back to him. He used to be that guy that I could rely on and come to over those marital years.He couldn’t be there for me anymore and I respected that and his new life.

Continuing my search for love was a job at times but mostly a fun journey. One that helped me discover who I am and what I want in a relationship.  I danced a lot with many dancers. I hoped that I too was an important part in helping them figure out who they were looking for as well. We were all learning, evolving. I still hadn’t found the right dancer but I was determined to continue this quest of finding that partner that would complete my dance of love and life.

The Dance Of Anger

Returning to those thoughts of being married and a couple for 30 years brought up emotions I never imagined I’d have after 8 years of being single.

All those memories, history, a shared life with one man and the family we created, all archived in pictures that were now stuffed away in a drawer…forgotten.

He threw me into this and I was all alone. He wasn’t. I was replaced and now I was pissed. Alas the stage of anger was rearing its ugly head. I had fought this notion feeling that I wanted him to be happy. Be he was responsible for pushing me to this unhappy place.

I never spent so many nights alone as I was now. Relationships were gone, friends disappeared and my kids were off living their own lives. I had too much time to think about my loneliness. Thank god for Netflix and HBO.

I needed to confront my ex and voice my grievances after all these years. How would I approach him now? What and how would he react? Drudging up the old was a necessary part of my total healing.

 

To see how Ann confronts her ex be sure to pick up her second book in a series of looking for love after divorce; THE NEW DANCE CARD Looking For Love Online. Her 8 year  journey of cautionary romantic and funny tales of dating in midlife is a reality many can relate t0.

 

visit her website; http://www.loveonthedancefloor.com    or http://www.anreichardt.com

Her new book should be released in a few weeks and will be available for preorders at Amazon. com Barnes & Noble, Apple junes, kindle and ebook

 

 

 

 

Dance of Resolution

That day left me without hope that Id ever find someone to fill the void in my life. I was appreciative of all that I had accomplished in my 63 years. Id moved forward with my projects alone henceforth. However, I was afraid that being alone might compromise my health and well being.

My divorce 8 years ago took its toll. My health deteriorated and my immune system shot. I went through the emotions of despair and recovery. My desperation  to maintain a foothold of my once happy and secure self became all encompassing. To move forward in a more positive direction in hopes of healing myself and my once unified family I had to open myself up to unimaginable vulnerabilities

When approaching my new dancers there was a new found security in myself that brought my grieving process to a halt. My inner strength, ignoring all the phases of the grieving, kept my anger at bay. Many times my friends would remark at my fortitude and ability to accept things without the anger. My response would always be, “Anger is a wasted emotion.”

Today I was questioning my whole line of thinking on that, especially after having muddle through this murky pool of dating and not be able to identify a partner that would be good for me. What was the reason for this? I began to wonder if I had not completed healing those wounds from my divorce.

My  days and nights were spent in solitude. Moments of despair resurfaced; more now than ever before. I thought I was finished with all of that? This surprised me. Now I was beginning to feel that anger.

I thought about how society is so couples oriented. The many events typical for a couple were unavailable to me: dinner parties, athletic events, movies, family gatherings, drives in the country, travel and simple conversations to share with someone. All GONE!

Those wounds from my first despair needed to be cared for.

 

To find out how Ann moves forward…be sure to pick up her new book soon to be released “THE NEW DANCE CARD” LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE   It will be available on Amazon.com, Barnes& Noble, Apple i-tunes, Kindle, ebooks, nook

 

DANCE OF ACCEPTANCE

As the weeks slipped by I thought about how it had been a long and arduous search for someone to love. Opening up my first dance card proved to be a necessary task, one filled with a revolving cast of colorful characters. A search that I did not want nor chose for myself. It was chosen for me after my divorce.

Having experienced the various dates in the past allowed me to see who it is that I was really looking for. I knew that we were all selective in our choices, a necessity as we are entering the last phases of our lives. I had not found that perfect fit yet.

Mr. Samba and I continued to collaborate on our ventures. Through our individual exploits we found ourselves creating separately and our communication became sporadic and a bit disconnected. I often thought that this may be ideal in creating a unified relationship.One that could sustain itself through hardship. Supporting and encouraging one another. However, for us the quantitative moments were becoming fewer and fewer.

I sat alone once again contemplating my books progression. There was not that day to day communication anymore and it always seemed to be text related. Once again that loss of continuity. I was accepting of this.

I decided not to return to that dating site for awhile. I needed time to myself. That would be my cure-all. My defense mechanisms arose again. Id armor myself with what integrity I had left. I needed to be resilient and move on.

 

Mr. Samba

After reading my rough draft I waited for a critical review. I reassured him that my voice within the stories were investigative, reporting events as they unfolded. All the dating experiences were real.

Any future dancers would evolve, including Mr. Samba. I needed his perspective.

His critique came in. The comments were all specific. He felt some parts were page turners and titillating. ” Its going to be special Annie” he said with reassurance. “You have something here that will be helpful to many men and women  who find themselves single again.”

I was pleased. “You certainly are convincing . Thank you”

“You’ll be rewarded accordingly. The idea is sound; tactics and strategy need work and I will supplement that. By the way Im sure glad that Im not in the book. Would’ve complicated things down the road.”

“Perhaps you’ll be in my sequel?” I replied.

” Still sexy senior and single”he quipped. Ill go through a number of alliterations before the right handle is found.” He continued, “Lets plan a dinner soon to discuss.”

The time was set for my second opportunity to learn the Samba.

I thought back to when I first met all the other potential dancers for the first few dates. Id set all preexisting notions and unrealistic expectations aside this second time.

Meeting at a popular wine bar…I was nervous. As I entered there he was; big broad smile, exquisitely dressed, deep chestnut complexion, tall and handsome. My new dancer was at the starting gates. This healthy African American steed would accompany his pure white filly into a new arena of companionship, cooperation,consideration and collaboration- my new 4C’s. This new odd couple would be coming to dinner on a regular basis.

 

Ann’s new soon to be released book”The New Dance Card” Looking For Love online chronicles her 8 years journey of looking for that right guy to love in life. Her messages touch on many areas of relationship at any age. Dating is like a dance. An art, beautiful form of connecting.

 

Please like and share

Ann Reichardt

http://www.loveonthedancefloor.com

 

 

Mr. Samba

As I reread Mr. Sambas profile I was reminded of our last and only meeting.

It would have been an unimaginable connection for me. Mr. Samba was a lovely dark skinned man, with deep set glorious brown eyes and  slightly greying short cut afro. He was luscious. I imagined his skin felt like butter. Culturally we would be different but I found that too to be intriguing.

I soon found that we are all the same when it comes to “love” and the things we are looking for in a partner. Mr. Samba was no different. But would he find little ole Annie the kind of woman he desired.

After reintroducing myself we began another long and clever dialogue. His was intellectually quirky yet brilliant. After all he was a promoter and knew all the right pitches to entice. I followed and returned the quips. It was fun and entertaining but I needed to see if he would fit into my idea of helping me through my new ventures.
“Im writing a book” Can I get your male perspective? I need a promoter for my stories. Interested?

He responded eagerly: “Really? Tell me more, whats your subject matter, who’s your audience, whats your market for the book? What contractual agreements do you have? I can supplement that. I SEE STARS!”

I sent him a rough draft of my manuscript. “Get ready for a wild ride”

“Saddling up.” he remarked.

The days flipped by and I didn’t hear from Samba. I was anxious to hear how he felt about the stories but I knew it d take time to digest all of it.

Finally he wrote: ” Whew the book was hot and so are you. Taking an ice cold shower now! I need to send you an extended response, but the lump in my throat moved south so quickly that it temporarily paralyzed me. The diversion of blood? It was so substantial that only one limb remained operative.”

OH MY DEAR GOD! HILARIOUS! I had to peel myself off the floor after reading his clever response.

 

To read more about Mr. Samba Ann outlines her adventures in her soon to be released book “THE NEW DANCE CARD” LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE

PLEASE FOLLOW HER ON TWITTER, FACE BOOK, LINKED IN.

Please share her post

 

Mr. Pasa Doble (Dance of Arrogance)

My last kiss was from an unlikely source, my friend Jeff, Beth’s husband.

I was sad to know that they were probably going to split up. Their days would be filled with heartache and loneliness much like the rest of us in midlife feel after the end of a long term marriage. That familiarity and history and memories that were built over their lifetime would disappear. Disposed of much like everything else these days, in this throw-away society. Nothing seems to be cherished anymore.

As we are forced in to challenging situations we must decide whether to allow those times to define us or start to move forward in a positive way and redefine who we are as significant individuals . So I trudged forward…happily.

I was ready for my next auditioned into my studio of love. This time I would more carefully examine each guy in hope that the right match would be a triple threat; could he make my heart sing?…be  compatible?… professional?…be good in bed?…or in the shower.?

There it was: a profile read, “High-flying professional looking for “the one.” “I’m so glad you stopped by. I’m an honest, romantic, intelligent, adventurous professional gent; a doctor who seeks a woman to fulfill my Sleepless in Seattle Syndrome.”

He went on and on about his many accolades personally and professionally. skippering yachts, piloting his own plane,scuba diving,  entertaining, and cooking.He had tremendous wealth and was searching for that gal that presents attractiveness and interests that are appealing to him. He desired  an intelligent, energetic and passionate woman.

Question:” If you found the love that would move the sun and the stars would you relocate? If your’e a classy gal that wants a classy guy please consider allowing me to contact you.”

NICE ! was my initial response to his profile. He seemed to be a good match…almost too good to be true. My hesitation in replying centered around the distance between us geographically. I’ve learned with past relationships it is difficult to maintain any continuous connection with distance. I was also apprehensive because I had been scammed  before and when something sounds too ideal it usually is. Mostly I feared that this self assured man may have unrealistic expectations from his partner. Would I disappoint by not being perfect. I was getting older and the pressure to live up to those ideals was intimidating. Frankly I was tired and with frailties setting in I didn’t need the pressure. I did not respond.

But he was relentless. He sent notification after notification to me wanting to connect. I bet he never had anyone NOT respond to his requests online. All those women eager to be the wife of a doctor. 

To find out more about Mr. Pas Doble be sure to look for my new book (soon to be released) THE NEW DANCE CARD  Looking For Love Online. The second book in my 3 book series of looking for love after the end of a marriage in midlife. THE DANCE CARD looking for love after divorce is now available on Amazon. com Barnes & Noble, Apple i-tunes, kindle

 

Ann Reichardt

anniereichardt@gmail.com

http://www.loveonthedancefloor.com