In love and in life we are challenged to the core. Our knee jerk instincts on issues and feelings are pushed around against our wills at times. I had a lot of knee jerks in the past 8 years. I had danced with many guys throughout my search for that perfect partner. I was stronger now and had learned a lot about dating and the importance of being selective in choosing the appropriate man for me.
Decision making in finding a promising relationship through online dating gives us all more romantic options than previous generations. In my ” senior years” I unraveled important clues before taking the plunge. Know who you are, independent of someone else. Do not idealize a relationship. Compromise is key. A persons internal values become more important than the superficial attributes.
I identified styles and personalities and shared familiar events or stages in life became important in determining success or failure in a successful relationship. Breaking down our walls of pain and apprehension, letting go of the wounds of the past help in moving forward in a positive way.
After reflecting on those past years I wiped away the tears and thought of my former husband again. It was clear that I’d always refer back to him. He used to be that guy that I could rely on and come to over those marital years.He couldn’t be there for me anymore and I respected that and his new life.
Continuing my search for love was a job at times but mostly a fun journey. One that helped me discover who I am and what I want in a relationship. I danced a lot with many dancers. I hoped that I too was an important part in helping them figure out who they were looking for as well. We were all learning, evolving. I still hadn’t found the right dancer but I was determined to continue this quest of finding that partner that would complete my dance of love and life.
Returning to those thoughts of being married and a couple for 30 years brought up emotions I never imagined I’d have after 8 years of being single.
All those memories, history, a shared life with one man and the family we created, all archived in pictures that were now stuffed away in a drawer…forgotten.
He threw me into this and I was all alone. He wasn’t. I was replaced and now I was pissed. Alas the stage of anger was rearing its ugly head. I had fought this notion feeling that I wanted him to be happy. Be he was responsible for pushing me to this unhappy place.
I never spent so many nights alone as I was now. Relationships were gone, friends disappeared and my kids were off living their own lives. I had too much time to think about my loneliness. Thank god for Netflix and HBO.
I needed to confront my ex and voice my grievances after all these years. How would I approach him now? What and how would he react? Drudging up the old was a necessary part of my total healing.
To see how Ann confronts her ex be sure to pick up her second book in a series of looking for love after divorce; THE NEW DANCE CARD Looking For Love Online. Her 8 year journey of cautionary romantic and funny tales of dating in midlife is a reality many can relate t0.
Her new book should be released in a few weeks and will be available for preorders at Amazon. com Barnes & Noble, Apple junes, kindle and ebook
That day left me without hope that Id ever find someone to fill the void in my life. I was appreciative of all that I had accomplished in my 63 years. Id moved forward with my projects alone henceforth. However, I was afraid that being alone might compromise my health and well being.
My divorce 8 years ago took its toll. My health deteriorated and my immune system shot. I went through the emotions of despair and recovery. My desperation to maintain a foothold of my once happy and secure self became all encompassing. To move forward in a more positive direction in hopes of healing myself and my once unified family I had to open myself up to unimaginable vulnerabilities
When approaching my new dancers there was a new found security in myself that brought my grieving process to a halt. My inner strength, ignoring all the phases of the grieving, kept my anger at bay. Many times my friends would remark at my fortitude and ability to accept things without the anger. My response would always be, “Anger is a wasted emotion.”
Today I was questioning my whole line of thinking on that, especially after having muddle through this murky pool of dating and not be able to identify a partner that would be good for me. What was the reason for this? I began to wonder if I had not completed healing those wounds from my divorce.
My days and nights were spent in solitude. Moments of despair resurfaced; more now than ever before. I thought I was finished with all of that? This surprised me. Now I was beginning to feel that anger.
I thought about how society is so couples oriented. The many events typical for a couple were unavailable to me: dinner parties, athletic events, movies, family gatherings, drives in the country, travel and simple conversations to share with someone. All GONE!
Those wounds from my first despair needed to be cared for.
To find out how Ann moves forward…be sure to pick up her new book soon to be released “THE NEW DANCE CARD” LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE It will be available on Amazon.com, Barnes& Noble, Apple i-tunes, Kindle, ebooks, nook
As the weeks slipped by I thought about how it had been a long and arduous search for someone to love. Opening up my first dance card proved to be a necessary task, one filled with a revolving cast of colorful characters. A search that I did not want nor chose for myself. It was chosen for me after my divorce.
Having experienced the various dates in the past allowed me to see who it is that I was really looking for. I knew that we were all selective in our choices, a necessity as we are entering the last phases of our lives. I had not found that perfect fit yet.
Mr. Samba and I continued to collaborate on our ventures. Through our individual exploits we found ourselves creating separately and our communication became sporadic and a bit disconnected. I often thought that this may be ideal in creating a unified relationship.One that could sustain itself through hardship. Supporting and encouraging one another. However, for us the quantitative moments were becoming fewer and fewer.
I sat alone once again contemplating my books progression. There was not that day to day communication anymore and it always seemed to be text related. Once again that loss of continuity. I was accepting of this.
I decided not to return to that dating site for awhile. I needed time to myself. That would be my cure-all. My defense mechanisms arose again. Id armor myself with what integrity I had left. I needed to be resilient and move on.