That day left me without hope that Id ever find someone to fill the void in my life. I was appreciative of all that I had accomplished in my 63 years. Id moved forward with my projects alone henceforth. However, I was afraid that being alone might compromise my health and well being.
My divorce 8 years ago took its toll. My health deteriorated and my immune system shot. I went through the emotions of despair and recovery. My desperation to maintain a foothold of my once happy and secure self became all encompassing. To move forward in a more positive direction in hopes of healing myself and my once unified family I had to open myself up to unimaginable vulnerabilities
When approaching my new dancers there was a new found security in myself that brought my grieving process to a halt. My inner strength, ignoring all the phases of the grieving, kept my anger at bay. Many times my friends would remark at my fortitude and ability to accept things without the anger. My response would always be, “Anger is a wasted emotion.”
Today I was questioning my whole line of thinking on that, especially after having muddle through this murky pool of dating and not be able to identify a partner that would be good for me. What was the reason for this? I began to wonder if I had not completed healing those wounds from my divorce.
My days and nights were spent in solitude. Moments of despair resurfaced; more now than ever before. I thought I was finished with all of that? This surprised me. Now I was beginning to feel that anger.
I thought about how society is so couples oriented. The many events typical for a couple were unavailable to me: dinner parties, athletic events, movies, family gatherings, drives in the country, travel and simple conversations to share with someone. All GONE!
Those wounds from my first despair needed to be cared for.
To find out how Ann moves forward…be sure to pick up her new book soon to be released “THE NEW DANCE CARD” LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE It will be available on Amazon.com, Barnes& Noble, Apple i-tunes, Kindle, ebooks, nook