Returning to this crazy new age of dating, I thought I would be an expert after all those years of muddling through that one dating site. The progression should be smooth and effortless, I thought to myself. I soon learned that the online dating scene had taken a grand leap. The popularity of dating in cyberspace the number of possible sites to choose from was staggering. There were sites to entice individuals based on color, religious affiliation, culture, hobbies and age. Narrowing down the playing field would make this much easier. I no longer had to sit at my computer desk. All that information was in the palm of my hand…my cell phone. I could have at the instant notifications of men who wanted to connect.
I soon discovered the numbers of lonely hearts out there came in all ages. I felt sorry for the young people today having to look for love in this noncommittal and detached way.The days of longing for a young suitor to carry you away, lifting you across that alter of love, romance and marriage were gone. These kinds of expectations are not in the cards for many career- driven college graduates. That drive for power and financial acumen, sacrificing having a family during those fertile years and then with regret finding out too late that her proverbial biological clock stopped.
I felt fortunate that I had already had my chance, my family, my history. There was no need to hurry things up for those reasons. My expectations were different.
That messages were coming in now…The men that perused the dating site and found my profile interesting. Off to begin my reading for the day…
Tomorrow: The WINKS
Ann Reichardt is a relationship guide for those who have challenges in finding love after loss. Having personal experience in looking for love after her long term marriage ended. The many lessons she learned along the way can help others experiencing similar challenges
Dance is a vibrant, expressive form of art with both aesthetic and social components. It has the power to bind people together on an emotional level, in romance and in friendship. The art of dating… Source: The Dance Of Life
Two years had passed since my last attempt to be a couple with a man that promised love ever after. That was not to be. I was feeling the loss again. A different kind of grief but a sense of sadness nonetheless.
As the months being by myself passed, I was starting to feel lonely. I missed having someone in my life, even if it was temporary. I desired those moments again. Once again I perused the online dating sites. OMG, the number of online options had increased significantly since my last go round.
with excitement and enthusiasm, I approached the process as enlightening and fun this time. My laptop was open and eager to click away. Here I go again, I thought. I wondered who would be new on the scene. I was alone now- not lonely, but alone and I wanted to share my time with someone I could deeply care about.
My profile was reactivated and reflected with aging, there is a whole new set of rules about seeking companionship. I was now looking for security in knowing there would be someone there in time of need.”I have fallen and can’t get up!” That life alert button by itself may not be the safety net for one’s survival.
We humans are not designed to be alone. Yes, I sometimes protested that I was happy in my independence with the freedom to do as I pleased, but I always felt that desire to be a couple. It seemed to be a bigger need as I approached retirement. I was now applying for social security and medicare. Those fragile years of declining health. But is this reason enough to look for someone?
I believe now that I was looking for more than that. A friend of mine compared love and companionship. He quipped. “Love is meant to be more than having a safety net, that companion. A pet can provide that. A “Lover” will give you more. Remember that Annie.”
After revisiting a few of my previous dates I found that it is never the same the second time around.
As I settled into my life as a single senior I decided to sign up once again on an internet dating site. Who would be new to this game? Would I see some of the same guys that were there 8 years ago and would they recognize me and wonder why I hadn’t found love yet?
My profile needed to be rewritten. The words would have to be modified to to suit my desires now . My misconceptions and preconceived notions about dating again had changed I was smarter now. I would be more careful about who I selected but also more open to those that I wouldn’t have chosen the first time around.
“So I Think I Can Dance” It read:
Im back and eager to meet someone who has similar interests and perspective on life. I am interested in finding someone to spend quality time together through travel, conversation, athletic events, performing arts and the like while maintaining independence. I like interdependence,respect, love, and honoring all that each will bring to a relationship. Our respective families should always be included as they have formed our lives and the rich history that is important to me. I have always approached life as a wonderful learning process and I know people enter our lives for a reason to fill a present need. I would like to fill that void in someone’s life. I thought I could dance the first time on this floor of love and I did, but those final steps need perfecting with that one final dance partner. Are you him?
Done…all signed up My New Dance Card was ready for auditioning. Would my next dancer be a ballroom dance? Mambo, Foxtrot, Samba, Merengue perhaps? Or another form of creative movement such as Jazz, Ballet, Tap or lyrical? Back to the computer,and the clicking of that mouse begins…
for interviews on relationships and dating contact
My dance with Mr. Waltz was sexy romanic and intoxicating. He was oh so young! I had that Gut feeling we all hear about when something is amiss. I didn’t follow my gut with Mr. Waltz. The sensuous talk, romantic interludes and chemistry didn’t allow for any rational thinking. I didn’t care really. All I wanted was someone to show me the love and attention that was missing for so long in my life.
It takes time to get over that passionate phase in a relationship. It took me 2 years to be exact. That’s what all the relationship experts tell you. 12 to 18 months and that dopamine phase is the drug .. all powerful overriding any logical thinking about who we are as individuals let alone potential partners. I was smothered with this hormone and its effects on me were addicting. He was addicting, BUT…
The time arrives when that intoxicating drug levels off..the next phase in a relationship becomes paramount in assessing situations better. The Companionate phase …No longer consumed by the love potion, the ugly warts become visible for both parties. I was seeing a lot of warts and they needed to be excised
Mr. Waltz had some doozies and I didn’t find out until way into our relationship.
Imagine finding out the guy your sleeping with was incarcerated at one point in is life and not just for something petty. All I could think of “Was he someones BITCH? I was afraid now and needed to cleanse myself of this soiled relationship.
Understanding past events that form who we are as individuals, we have to decide if we can accept those personalities and will they be the best fit for partnering.
He would be the last dancer on my “Love Card” There were ten guys and they all provided me with great insight into who I am and what I want in a relationship. The steps it took to find out were all necessary for me to understand the importance of being selective. Will I open up a new “DANCE CARD”? The options are endless….
To discover what happened to Mr Waltz and the other secrets that were uncovered be sure to read Ann’s Book , her memoir. “The Dance Card” Looking for Love after Divorce. available on Amazon. com Barnes& Noble Apple I-tunes, kindle
In her soon to be released book “THE NEW DANCE CARD” LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE Ann continues her journey..What dances or dancers will she choose?
After the whirlwind of emotions settled from my dance with Mr. Jitterbug I was eager to find that last dancer to fill my Dance Card of Love in hopes that it may be my final and most long lasting partner.
It all started with that darn ” wink” and a comment. ” A vision of beauty and grace.”
Ooh nice I thought. The flattery did not go unnoticed. But he was only 44 years old! I would be a senior woman to him. Why on earth did his profile pop up? His listed ideal age range was 35 to 45. He was new to the area.TALL, HANDSOME, and intriguing, one young daughter.
Clearly I did not fit within his parameters of who he was looking for . Why then did he want to connect? Being that nurturer I felt compelled to assist him in becoming acquainted with the area.
And So our dance began… The Waltz;the romantic of all ballroom dances, slow and deliberate as each step is enunciated with emotion and drama.
AND OH …THERE WAS PLENTY OF BOTH
To see how Ann’s dance with Mr. Waltz progress read her memoir “The Dance Card” Looking For Love After Divorce available on Amazon. com, Barnes &Noble, Apple i-tunes, kindle and nook
The 8 years of looking for love online is chronicled with humor, romance drama and cautionary tales