The night was long. This day would be longer. I had slept alone that night. He left I was alone.
Where did he go? A hotel perhaps? Or was there someone else he was running to?
This was the logical and first question when being hit over the head by a two by four.
That is what it felt like. What did I do to deserve this treatment? I was a good wife and supporter and great mother. I didn’t drink, smoke, use drugs or cheat on anyone. Aren’t these the typical reasons for leaving someone. There was none of this. We never fought, we had a comfortable and loving life. So I thought.
There had to be another party in this scenario pulling his strings in her direction.
Those proverbial strings that are titillating and salacious. He was a man after all and the testosterone seems to overpower everything comprehensible. He couldn’t be in love with someone else. It had to be LUST and the sexual energy pulling this man who I thought was so honest and trustworthy.
The anxiety within my gut rose to levels unimaginable. That heart pounding fear of not knowing nor having control over any of this left me nauseous. I was now being punched in the gut over and over again. I was scared.
It has been eight years since that first day of my unexamined new life.
That moment of disbelief after a 30 year marriage and life within the gates of my upscale community ended.
Life had been good to me. Married with children, professional and financially secure, a pillar of the community. Happy and content for the most part. There had never been any turmoil within my long relationship. I had lived with and admired this man.The one individual I called my best friend and love partner.
His thinking was not quite in line with mine. With shocking proclamation one morning. An announcement that I will never forget! One that shattered my dreams of spending a long journey with this man I thought that I knew, those words…
“I do not love you romantically anymore and I want to leave this marriage.”
This was a joke I thought to myself. He was keen with wit and humor I would dismiss this as nothing more than that.
But then that gloom appeared over his face. He was for the first time being honest about how he really was feeling. No joking this time. This was serious.
I felt this was just a temporary cog in the wheel of life. I would fix that squeaky wheel, after all, that was my role. The CEO of the family.
I would discover that wheel had already rolled out that marital door months maybe years before and nothing would repair our marriage.
Leah Reich writes about culture, technology, relationships, and more. In her Medium collection, A Year of Wednesdays, she has published an essay every Wednesday this year. What I love the most is that these musings are quite short — two…